Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Wilbur

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajnees

"No gift to your mother can ever equal her gift to you-life"

"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." Lin Yutang

"The mother love is like God's love; he loves us not because we are lovable, but because it is His nature to love, and because we are His children." Earl Riney

“The strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.”-Barbara Kingsolver

“Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of love.” -Maureen Hawkins

“When you were small and just a touch away, I covered you with blankets against the cold night air. But now that you are tall and out of reach, I fold my hands and cover you with prayer.”-Dona Maddux Cooper
This our mother pig Laura the morning before her babies were born. She had escaped from her faroing crate, walked all the way around the barn and this is what we found her doing. She would go over by the stacks of hay and gather it up in her mouth, back out from the narrow space she was getting it from, and return it to the nest she had built. The nest was as big as her, and she must have been working on it throughout the night. She would have to lay down in between trips as she was having contractions. What an incredible mother she is! You cannot tell me that the desire to mother and that this instinct is not powerful. We have been so impressed with her as she gingerly (as gingerly as a pig can move) moves into position to feed her babies and tries not to lay on top of the little things. After we got her back in the crate (which allows her to feed her babies without squishing them so easily) and pounded stakes into the ground wired to it, she lifted the one end up leaving the crate suspended in the air. She had gone to work yet again creating a nest for her babies. We let her stay put and just monitored the delivery carefully. Laura delivered 12 baby pigs, 2 girls and 10 boys. "I am woman...hear me roar" I think is appropriate for such an act.Here are 11 of the 12 pigs learning how to eat. They were born about 2 weeks ago and are growing quickly. As odd as it seems, they are just the cutest little things and i consider each of them a miracle. The ability to deliver and create such an incredible thing, whether animal or human denotes without doubt that there is a loving Hevanely Father.

This is our little Wilbur. When he arrived he was half the size of his brothers and sisters and didn't even have his eyes open. Forgive me as I get sentimental, but you don't have to read this. It is for my own journaling just as much. Wilbur brought me incredible joy. We took him home and bottle fed him with a premie nipple. Soon after he arrived, Rob placed him inside of his sweatshirt in his coat to keep him warm. He slept soundly there. Then I got to hold that sweet little guy. I put him in my front pocket of my sweatshirt and zipped up my coat...just his little nose stuck out.
Forgive the mess, but I had just helped deliver 9 or 10 baby pigs (2 were already waiting for us when we got done eating lunch).
We had a box with a beach and bath towel in it that he slept in. The first night we heated up a rice bag up several times to keep him warm. Just like we would if Benton were here, we got up in the middle of the night to feed him. He had this high pitched little squill, almost a little horse at times. I fell in love with this little guy. I held him a lot that first night and let him nuzzle up under my chin where he liked to stay warm and would stop squilling. As soon as he got hungry that squilling would start again. I had to work my normal 12 the next day and was excited to come home to that little guy. As soon as I got home I changed into my jammies, climbed in bed and layed him next to me close by my face, where we both fell asleep.
Wilbur filled a little piece of that emptiness I have experienced because I did not get to nuture my Benton. I did not realize the deep hunger I have to nurture something until Wilbur filled in a piece of it.
Rob text me the third day we had him at home and told me to call him before I left work. I called him as i was sitting in the car in the parking lot and he told me how Wilbur had gotten sick over the last 3 hours or so, was labored in his breathing, not eating, foaming at the mouth, and lethargic. He asked if I could get an antibiotic prescription from one of the doctors...but I didn't even know what the dose would be or how much the little guy weighed. I went back into work and made some phone calls. Rob and I finally decided to take him into the veternarian after hours. You have to understand that I have never even really liked animals very much, but this was a whole new experience for me. I have never had such love for an animal.
I met Rob at the vet clinic where little Wilbur was laying on the table. The veternarian was rubbing him, giving him dextrose in his gums for energy, and had an oxygen mask right in front of his little nose. He did not look good, and just kept getting worse and worse. The doctor even gave our little guy epinepherine (a heart stimulating med), but Wilbur was too tired and passed away. I am sad I had to see him so sick and struggling, but I am so grateful I got to say goodbye to him before he went to go join our little Benton.
I know that it sounds ridiculous and absurd, but even as I write this I am crying. I think that Wilbur filled a spot of a big hole that loosing Benton left. I am so grateful for the opportunity to love this beautiful little animal who just wanted to be loved so much. The thought went through my mind several times why he had to die, why I had to hold another little limp body in my arms, but I also couldn't help but feel that Hevanely Father sent us Wilbur as a tender mercy.
The quote at the very top of this post describes a little of how I have felt as I delivered Benton and held him. There is no describable love like that of being a mother. Love that I didn't even know existed was unearthed when Benton joined our family. And Wilbur reminded me of this love.
Thank you Willbur...We love you...




Friday, March 5, 2010

Robert Benton Bowles









Happy 12 weeks Baby Boy! We love you so much and think of you often! We are so excited to get your headstone set as spring approaches! We know you are staying busy through the veil teaching and cheering others up! I Love you Benton! Thank you to Heavenly Father and to you for helping us find happiness again...
Lots of Love,
Your Mommy and Daddy who love you so very much